Darker dreams of the lost traveller

When I first started out with this blog I was this naive girl who had just come out of school, trying to make a mark. But 5 years down, I'm tired of trying, 5 years down I am a defeated idealist. I believe in a lot more than I used to yet I find myself always and eternally lost. Lost is not a thing it is a direction, I have come to realise. Lost is being able to hold on to the hope that we can still chase our childhood dreams and colours. Honestly, lost is a way of life. One that we convince ourselves is not valid but we are all lost. Some acknowledge it, some don't. Some run away from the reality and some embrace it with all their heart.
Today no matter how hard I try the Bypass will never look the same, the VIP road will never be as empty and beautifully lit, today my illusions meet reality. Reality is infinitely more exciting and beautiful than the illusions we run after, yet we keep running? Why? When they elude us we go towards the dark of our soul searching for them, why? Because that is all. Our directions our heart's secret GPS keeps us lost in the wilderness. Life is not a reality it is the illusion of reality and to keep living it, we must be lost. In further simulations. In created realities. Because we just have to. That is life. These are the compulsions of reality and its infinity. Infinity doesn't make sense, infinity cannot be quantified. Infinity is the last dark dream of this lost traveller.