Dreams they mean so much to me!

Its been a few days since i have been dogged by some particularly horrendous dreams. These dreams follow me everywhere. Be it seeing myself as a bride who set herself on fire or a wife who is being tortured and raped for dowry, the dreams always feature me. During these times i wake up shaken and let out a sigh of relief to be back into a world thats less harsh. I realise how dark my subconscious is. I realise that all those horrible memories have embedded themselves deep in my memory, somewhere they were never entirely erased. They remained, and are coming back to haunt me in my dreams. Not the most convinient situation to be in!

After asking a couple of friends what my disturbing dreams could mean one of them gave me a rather interesting explanation. He said, that finally after many years the rather easily-excitable-uttu was settling down. The physical, change of becoming a calm mature utsarjana has been noted by most of my friends, but what they have missed out is that as long Uttu was a butterfly who fluttered around, she had a calm heart and which took refuge in a rather jumpy body, and now that she is settling down something within has been stirred awake and the beast screams to be let out. The beast of insecurity has been stirred awake as the shell of Utsarjana is finally setting down. The soft heart within refuses to let in a stranger while the shell has opened its doors to a new person. The deeper the person goes the more repelled the heart is. Now the question is whether the stranger will settle down in my heart or walk away even after having upset the beast and waking it up from its dreams.

Stranger i loved you not knowing who you'd be!

This time you've got to make me believe!

This time I trusted someone all over again!

I can only hope time will prove this as the right lane!

Moreover two people who have known me for considerable lengths of time have said that now the Uttu we knew is growing up! Woo hoo! Growing up sure feels great!